I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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