Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
