Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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