Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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