He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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