you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
