you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
