I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
