Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
