i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
