My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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