I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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