if i can run in heels then i can drive
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
