so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
