He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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