wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
