babies were throwing up all over the place
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
