pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
All the doctor said was why
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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