i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
