turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
