Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
This house was built for laser tag.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
