yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
