I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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