I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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