Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
