I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
