I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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