No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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