Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
