i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
