Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
