I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
