Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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