if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
