So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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