I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
