My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
