I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
