There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I touched a dick in church today
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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