I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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