I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
