It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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