I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
