he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So. Much. Porn.
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