so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
