so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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