he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
