My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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