how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
