and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Alive.
So much puke
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
